I Want To GOOOOO.

So this is it. Those of you that love me and depend on me, please take no offense. This morning on the way to work the sun was up and as I crossed the Missouri to punch the clock the city of Omaha was glittering orange in the sun. So the worst of the winter is over.. And every year it happens. The weather changes and I really want to toss my clothes in the car and pick up a pack of smokes, take the keys and go. This weather makes me miss good 'ole Copper. Those of you who knew her, a moment of silence please...........She crossed the country several times with little or no maintainence. What a companion. She was filled with smoke, and traveling music, and good intentions, and just flew across our nations great highways.
Oh, back to my original rant. I wanted to keep heading west this morning. I want to drive to California. Oh, I know it is all cliche. But really. I haven't been in so long. I have an emotional void at this time. It may be just this week, it may be permanent, but IM sort of sick of taking care of folks is an actual term for this but I've forgotten it. They told us about it in college, and I only half listened I thought it was ridiculous. But here it is I have nothing left. And I just want to go somewhere else. And either sleep or do something novel. Fun adventurous...I want to watch J in the water and A eating sand. There is no gentle way of saying it. I take care of people at work and at home, and while M has been busting his hump on my fence, I have missed his help with the boys and I'm done being in one place. The last two days it was cold, and the snow is littered with mud and dog shit and the sky is grey. (Not pretty grey. Go back to bed grey. And I can't I can NEVER go back to bed, even when I do go back to bed I hear people I feel guilty for missing stuff I know they need things, that is not the same as going back to bed. When I watch TV and I see people sleeping I am jealous. Its not the hot supermodel sex, it's all the sleeping. They just rub it in my face....I want to quit working and cleaning and being helpful and nice and warm and motherly and just go back to sleep, ugh. I want to sleep at three in the afternoon. I want to eat and go for a walk and then go back to sleep) This kind of insanity grips me. why cant I just leave.( Then of course I realize that I would get no further than the scrubby part of Nebraska before I missed the skittles. So it becomes why cant I just put them in the car and leave?) and it makes perfect sense to me. I look around me, and know that this is not reasonable thinking. But why not.. A road trip. Ugh. I am mourning for the days that I would quit my job if it were to cold to go to work. Or too boring or too stressfull. Or just too many days in a row. At any rate I have planned a trip to California in its entirety- at least where I want to go geographically, M if you are reading this you should know, if you come home from class and we are all gone, you can catch up with us in Big Sur, it is only a matter of time.